Living in My World of Make Believe
March 22nd 2007 16:29
Mother Mary Grotto
It has been my character to trust easily, relying heavily on word of mouth telephone conversations to get to know people who suddenly enter my life. I have this knack of immediately falling for girls, even if I haven’t had the chance to be with them. Despite numerous warnings from dear friends and family members, I still choose to stand by what I believe in, that of which is to accept people in equal footing with actual people in real life.
I haven’t had much luck lately. I have just been from a failed marriage where my ex–wife was having an affair under my nose without my knowledge. This was based on trust since all the while I thought marriage was a secure and sacred thing that people would respect. I was wrong. Unknown to me, there was already an affair going on and I just let it happen. Too much for relying on trust in marriages is it not?
Then after some months, I tried my hand in courtship. I went as far as trying to be super nice, playing dumb and giving in to all their needs. After all that has been said and done, it turns out, none of the efforts were rewarding. I went through three courtship engagements, all of which failed and kept me at an all time low. The last one was the most bitter. I really thought she loved me. As I found out, it was only I who wanted to believe in it.
But thanks to writing and keeping myself busy, I was able to recover and find meaning by simply working my butt off through working practically 24/7. What else was there to ruin my life in its prime stages?
Then came this girl, who was supposedly an ex-girlfriend of my ex-wife’s current bf. They had a relationship concurrent to what they have now. Feeling pitiful and sorry for the girl, I offered help to the extent of taking her in and offering to help her get the life that is due to her. She is still young and has a lot to experience. I even went to the extent of buying a new phone and get a prepaid line that was solely dedicated to her. I racked up telephone bills that most people would call crazy. Never missed a beat and texted or called her at anytime she was available. What the heck was I doing?
At some point, I was already on the verge of giving up since I was already in a stage of confusion, what is it with this girl that keeps me motivated and attracted? I haven’t even seen her but yet I feel like I owe it to help her in my own sincere way. She supposedly had plans of living near me, but for some reason, there is always a delay in the plans. To top it all off, just a week ago, she claimed to have lost her phone when somebody snatched it from her while she was out. The funny thing about it was all this time she told me that the phone never left the house and all of a sudden it gets snatched from no where? Quite a coincidence.
I got a message the next day from an unknown number asking if this was my number and telling me about the ordeal. With nothing to do, I simply replied with an OK message and waited, waited and waited. I sent one message asking her friend to tell her to e-mail me. No replies and no e-mail.
One day, I thought of asking my daughter what she would look for in a partner I would choose and among the girls she knew around me, who would be closest to her heart. None of them made the grade and when I brought up the name of the girl, she just told me to wake up. Anybody associated with my ex-wife is up to no good.
As it stands, it took a 16 year old girl to open my eyes and bring me back to reality. There is no reality in imaginary friends. I will admit that I was hurt by it but as always, I just shrug it off and try to get back to my senses. It is apparent that the girl has informally said goodbye and to hear from her again would become a miracle.
Why has God given me this kind of life? I haven’t the slightest idea. Maybe it is the price for being successful in career, giving me custody of my daughter or being too nice to people around me when in the end they would just be using me. I am in no position to question the Lord, but with no one decent to talk to, all I can do is go to what I best recourse to, that is of writing with all my heart.
I always catch myself staring blankly. Thinking of the past, the present and the future. What does life have in store for someone who has been forced to mature early and feel like he has grown old through the years? Questions and setbacks are aplenty in this colorful life that God has given me. I guess I just have to hold back my emotions and start to live life in reality. Believing in old practices which were instilled by my forefathers is simply frustrating.
I can only wish the people who contributed to these setbacks a hearty good luck. Thank you for making me believe and making me look like a fool. For what it is worth, this fool will always remain as he is, a fool for all seasons.
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